It's ten past twelve when the text comes in
Erika doesn't even ask, she can tell by my grin
We both need the football season to go live
At least that will keep us out of the pub until five
We arrive at our second home, The Royal Oak
I order a pint of Sam Nigel, I think Chris might choke
He can't believe I've turned my back on Thatcher's Gold
But its Doctor's orders, and I always do as I am told
Most people have gone to Glasto, so we need a plan
Leighton hands me the card of the Flying Scots-man
Ten quid each, return trip to the county town
We drink up and wait for Fran to come down
We decide to drink cocktails, but promise to take it slow
Jugs of raspberry sherbet, berrylicious and mojito
The last one was a lie, I just used it to rhyme
'Cus who honestly likes mint leaves and all that lime
When at the bar there are two words that make me smile
'Happy Hour.' So we stayed there for quite a while
As the time came to go there was only one place to be
Munching on a bargain bucket at the local K F C
Back in town, and no pyramid stage, but it is still cool
So we partner up and I start the evening as normal losing pool
D-Lo and Erk hit the juke box and rock out some quality tunes
Vodka-Red Bull induced we start jumping around like loons
With our mini festival underway I try to add my own twist
But I can't remember any songs, by now I am way too pissed
I manage JT, MC Hammer, Tinne Tempah and Britney Spears
And just like that twat Mr Claypole - everyone disappears
Propping up the bar I manage to sell Mooner's dad a book
Then my drinking buddy vanishes so I go outside to take a look
He is staggering in the distance so I call him on my phone
He makes it back for one last drink before eventually going home
Home at last with my sexy girl, perhaps I should install a pole
But getting frisky has to wait until I have taken my omeprazole
Clothes are strewn across the floor and we head upstairs in a hurry
Switch on the TV, check facebook one last time, our own personal Glastonbury
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